Last Time Ever

K, April 20, 2013

Our 8th child, K was born Saturday.  He's beautiful, with black hair and deep blue eyes: he has captured our hearts.  As I went through the labor and birth, I couldn't help thinking that "This was the last time ever I would have to do this." 
Late last night (or was it early morning?) I was holding him in my arms after feeding and changing and feeding him again.  I was downstairs looking at some of my favorite websites because I didn't want to wake up S.  I realized that K had fallen back asleep quite a while earlier and that I really should go back to bed and sleep myself, but I didn't want to.  I thought to myself, "This is the last time ever that I will be holding my 4 day old son."
I finally made it back to bed and soon it was time to start a new day.  I realized that with so many "last time evers" looming on my horizon, I needed to make some resolutions to help me cherish them.
So now, I've decided to not complain about being tired because I've up all night with the baby, or sick kids, or restless kids, or a child who has had a nightmare. I will enjoy those late-night (or early-morning) one-on-one bonding moments with my children and not wish them away or "past that stage".  I will take naps during the day instead of cleaning or running errands so I won't get cranky and irritated just because I'm tired. I can sleep through the night later when they've grown up.
I've decided to never stress about how clean (or unclean) the house is because I chose to spend my time holding or playing or helping or talking to my children.  I will no longer apologize to guests, or even feel embarrassed about the condition of my house.  I can clean later, when they are all in school.
I've decided not to get upset with my husband when he gets home from work and plays with the boys instead of taking out the garbage or doing other mundane chores that I don't want to do myself.  I realize that he makes a huge sacrifice to get up early and go to work each weekday.  He misses so many of the "firsts" (and "lasts") that our children experience just so that I can stay home and experience them.  There have been days when he has gotten up before the children and left for work and not returned home again until after they were in bed.  I've rarely had a day like that where I couldn't be near my children. I'm so blessed to have been able to be a full-time mother for 19+ years because of the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice of my husband as he provides for our family. I have taken down the "honey-do" list for him and have decided that what he needs to do more than anything is to spend time with our children, letting them know he loves them and helping them learn how to grow into wonderful men, just like he is.  The house will get fixed up later, as he teaches them the skills to do it.

I've decided not to whine about never getting take vacations away from my children.  As a couple, we

 have only left our children on about 3 or 4 occasions during the last 20+ years of our marriage and I used to be jealous of all the couples I knew who frequently got to take vacations together without their children, but no more.  As much as I cherish the time I have alone with my eternal companion, I also realize the time I have with our children will soon be over and gone.  It is precious and I am grateful that I haven't missed very many days of their hugs, kisses, growth, good-nights, and songs.
Even with the days that are struggles,  filled with temper-tantrums, fights, and discipline, even with all the weight of responsibility for feeding, dressing, cleaning, teaching, etc. that raising children brings, I will not whine about it, but look for the joyful moments that each day brings. we'll be alone later and can be on vacation when we retire.
I pray that one day when I'm in my 60's or 70's, my now 5-day old son will let me have the blessing of holding his 5-day old child.  When that day arrives, many years from now, but really just around the corner, I will probably think "This is the last time ever..."
Until then, I have many firsts to look forward to experiencing, not only with K but with all of my children. If you my readers, friends and family, happen to be there and catch me falling into the negative traps that sometimes ensnare us in our vulnerable moments, please, I beg you to gently lean over and whisper in my ear that "This is the last time ever..." and I'll know what you are talking about and I'll look for the joyful moments again.